Transgender journalist Erin Reed and Montana State Rep. Zooey Zephyr (D) began their relationship over video chat, but when Zephyr flew to visit Reed for the first time, Reed had one message: “I love you, but my child has to love you, too.” In an interview with LGBTQ Nation , Reed said she made sure Zephyr knew that she and her son, Andy, were a package deal.

Reed became a parent in a previous relationship, and Andy was about six years old when she and Zephyr met online through their advocacy work. Their first in-person visit, in conjunction with a conference Zephyr was attending in the DC area near Reed’s home, was only supposed to last a day. Instead, Zephyr stayed for two weeks.

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“I just remember thinking to myself, if the government isn’t investing in research to help cure this thing… I’m the opposite of whatever is doing that.”

As Zephyr was preparing to leave, Andy told Reed he wished she could stay. She had suspected they would get along, but “underestimated how much they would click,” she said.

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“It was better than anything I could have ever dreamed,” Reed said. Zephyr immediately called her employer. She had intended to leave the job soon anyway, because she was about to start a new role as Montana’s first trans state representative, but she expedited her departure, telling them, “I need to spend some time with these two,” Reed relayed, adding that Andy “instantaneously accepted her into the family.”

“She’s great with him,” Reed affirmed. Zephyr, a former athlete, teaches him things like “how to kick a soccer ball or get out of a wrestling lock.” At other times, they all read together or make up stories where each person picks up where the last left off. Reed noted that Zephyr is “probably a little bit stricter than I am, which is kind of funny, and yet he still loves her for it.”

My son just got his first real instrument after loving the recorder in music class at school… and yall, he’s so in love with it, it’s a violin and he just can’t put it down 😭

I’m a proud mama :) I’ve never been musically inclined and it’s so cool to see him grow.

The women married in December 2023. “Andy said that his favorite part of the wedding was when we kissed each other, because ‘that was the moment that she became my stepmom for real,’” Reed shared.

Reed’s own relationship with Andy is close, too, and she speaks of him with a parent’s pride. “He’s incredibly gifted at math and a great conversationalist,” she effused. “He has all these interests, he loves to program, he loves to make paper airplanes, and he plays with all the kids in the neighborhood outside all the time. It’s really great to see him thrive.”

Parenting in transition

Reed and Zephyr are among the approximately 230,000 trans parents in the United States. According to data from a 2024 study by UCLA’s Williams Institute, trans parents comprise 9% of the 2.57 million LGBTQ+ adults who are currently parenting children.

Andy was around three years old when Reed transitioned. “He was my biggest and most ardent supporter,” Reed said. “Even as a little tiny kid, he very quickly sensed how happy I was and how much better of a caregiver I became just by virtue of being myself. By taking care of my own needs, I was able to better take care of his.”

Reed “didn’t just surprise him” about her transition, but “built him up to it,” she explained. She started by reading him children’s books with trans characters, which “helped him understand a little bit.” She also practiced her voice training around him, which he thought was “really funny and cool,” she said. “Then I let him know in very simple terms, ‘I’m a girl and that’s what I’m doing. I’m transitioning.’” Andy “didn’t bat an eye.”

Picked up my son at school today with all of the other moms and it was wonderful and he ran at me and hugged me and yelled mom and I had the biggest smile on my face and ahhh….

He had a good first day at school and made me feel like a million bucks with that hug.

She let him lead on what to call her. “I never intended to make him use a certain title,” she said. “One day he was going up the stairs and he looked down and said, ‘I love you… Mom.’ He had a pause, and he just called me ‘Mom.’ It has always been about whatever makes him the most comfortable, and he very quickly eased into it.”

Now, Andy calls both Reed and his mother from Reed’s previous marriage “Mom,” depending on which one he’s with, while the other is “my other mom.”

“It seems like it works for him,” Reed said. Zooey is usually “Zooey,” she noted, but also “Stepmom.”

It’s my sons birthday today and he’s 6 and oh my god how does time go by so quickly. It feels like just yesterday he called me mom for the first time as a little 3 year old.

Andy’s peers were quick to catch on as well. “I remember the first day that I picked him up from daycare expressing my gender identity differently,” Reed said. All of Andy’s friends “ran to the door and they looked at Andy, and they said, ‘Andy, your mom’s here.’ It was very clear that they got it just instantly. I had less trouble from kids than I did from grown-ups in my life, and I think that’s to be expected.” Hate and bigotry are learned processes, not inborn, she observed. “You can really see that with kids.”

Despite her name and title change, Reed’s approach to parenting has remained much the same. Even before her transition, “I never really abided by any sort of gendered expectations around childcare,” she said. “I’ve always, even in my previous marriage, been a caregiver, and I’ve always taken care of my son and been there to change the diapers and do all of the basic parental duties. I’ve always read to him every night since he was born.”

For parents of all identities, she asserted, “I would hope that taking care of your kid and meeting their needs doesn’t need to be something that we gender.”

Reed became a parent before transitioning, but trans people who transition before starting families may face stigma, discrimination, and “heightened scrutiny by professionals” in their journey to parenthood, as a 2020 Williams Institute report has detailed . Reed advised, though, “If being a parent is something that you want to do, don’t let being trans stop you. It is such a rewarding experience, no matter how you decide to become a parent… The love that you will experience is dwarfed by nothing else.”

Bridging the distance

Reed and Andy are still living in the DC area, where Reed works, while Zephyr resides in Montana. Having two far-flung households is Reed’s biggest parenting challenge, she said, but she thinks it is probably harder for Zephyr, who sometimes misses out on big moments with Andy.

When they’re apart, they try to stay connected by video chat. “Anytime Zooey is not on the House floor, Zooey is on a screen here,” Reed explained. Every night, “I put my computer right beside me in bed and as we’re going to sleep, we talk to each other.” Zephyr also visits about once a month.

In the summer, though, Reed and Andy spend most of the time in Montana, where Andy particularly looks forward to playing the ongoing Dungeons & Dragons game that Zooey created for them, set in a world where “whenever little boys turn 9 years old, they go on adventuring parties with their mom,” Reed said.

The women also have joint speaking engagements around the country. All told, they get more time together than many would assume, Reed said. “That kind of distance can be hard on many relationships,” she admitted, “but we have figured out ways to make it easier, and we value—God, do we value—the time that we do have together.”

This year, she and Andy also supported Zephyr by visiting regularly during the legislative session. One perk of doing so is that Reed and Andy can sit at the side of the House floor as family members of a representative. Doing so has had an impact beyond their family.

During one of their visits earlier this year, a number of the representatives stopped to say hello. “Andy was remarkably chatty,” Reed said. Then, at the end of that day’s session, “Zooey took him and I and we walked over to the Republican side, and we started talking to many of them.”

“There are a number of Republicans in the Montana State Legislature that are accepting,” she observed. “It might surprise you, but it’s true.”

Not all are, however. In early March, about a month after their visit, the House considered a bill that would have banned drag performances and also targeted trans people, Pride events, and more. It had been introduced after a previous ban on drag story times in public libraries was blocked in federal court. The new bill’s sponsor, Rep. Caleb Hinkle (R), had called being trans a “fetish based on crossdressing.”

In response, Zephyr stood on the House floor and declared , “My existence is not a fetish. I was proud within a month ago to have my son up in the gallery here. Many of you on the other side met him. When I go to walk him to school, that is not a lascivious display. That is not a fetish. That is my family.”

Republican state Representative Sherry Essman spoke against the bill as well, telling the House, “I’m speaking as a parent and a grandmother. And I’m very emotional because I know the representative in seat 20 [Zephyr] is also a parent. No matter what you think of that, she is doing her best to raise a child.”

After those speeches, 13 Republicans joined Democrats to defeat the bill . Reed said meeting their son and family helped garner this support. “Our family is not this big scary thing that they put on Fox News. Our family is just like any other family. We have a child that we love. We walk him to school, we play games with him, we read to him, we celebrate his accomplishments.”

More love than hate

Zephyr’s prominence as one of only a handful of trans elected officials and Reed’s visibility as a GLAAD Media Award-winning journalist covering trans issues have made them the target of personal attacks. In 2023, someone tried to send SWAT teams to Reed and Zephyr’s homes to frighten them, though the attempts failed . Reed had worked closely with her local police in anticipation of this, and police in Montana also recognized the call as a hoax.

Reed said that Andy is “moderately aware” of anti-trans hate and the personal attacks, “but I do manage to shield him from the worst of everything.”

He knows that a lot of people know who she is and that she and Zephyr are standing up for people like themselves and their friends. “He’ll boo whenever some politician says something bad about trans people,” she said. Occasionally, he’ll overhear negative comments on television, but she said, “I think that honestly, he sees way more love than hate. He sees so many people come up to us and thank us for what we do and give us hugs. He’s proud of us.”

She also noted that Maryland “has been a very supportive state in general,” and that she feels safe in her neighborhood and school district, which has been welcoming to LGBTQ+ and other marginalized groups.

Despite the high-profile talks she and Zephyr have given around the country, Reed said their most important speaking engagement was career day at Andy’s elementary school. Their work as advocates and changemakers must have been inspiring—after their talk, she said, “One classroom wanted to immediately start a petition to have better cafeteria food. They wanted to do a protest. It was really hilarious.”

Still, Reed cautioned that a trans parent in Texas or elsewhere might have a very different experience than hers in Maryland. No matter where one lives, though, she said, “Being able to bring your child into spaces where they can see community is important. That’s not just for LGBTQ parents. That’s good for all parents, to show kids what a loving community looks like.”

For queer people and their families, she added, being part of a queer community at this moment in time is an especially good idea, whether one needs support or has it to give. For Andy, she said, meeting other trans, queer, and nonbinary people has been pivotal. “He sees the joy, he sees the love, and he sees other kids, and I think that’s really important.”

An abundance of motherhood

In the lead-up to Mothers’ Day, Reed reflected, “Andy has always seen me as one of his moms, and I have been so blessed to have that relationship with my son. This will be the first Mothers’ Day in which Zooey and I are married, and I can imagine this Mothers’ Day will be filled with family and love and an abundance of motherhood.”

The best part of that motherhood, according to Reed: “Being able to hug my kid every night—there’s nothing like it. Just being able to give him the biggest hug and watch him grow into a fully formed human being who is intelligent and happy and whole.”

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